Friday, June 11, 2010

For Once, I'm at a loss for words ...

Thursday morning I received a phone call; the voice on the other end of the phone was one I knew very well, one which has brought much comfort on many occasions. It was our beloved Dr. V. His opening line, "Lauren, It's Dr. V. How are you doing, my dear?" Such love, such concern ... such peace. He was just calling to see how we were doing. That's it. No strings attached; nothing else. Very much unlike his partner, Dr. C.

Three weeks ago I called their office in need of a prescription refill. The receptionist told me it would get approved by the doctor and then get sent off to the pharmacy. Imagine my shock when the phone rang, caller id showing the name of their practice, two hours later (their office should have been closed). I hesitantly answered the phone to a voice that made my blood pressure rise to unhealthy levels. It was her ... THE doctor. I could hear that big ole' smile on her face again, and the uncertainty in her mind as to why I was so apprehensive to talk to her. She told me that normally doctors don't call back on prescription refills but she really wanted to talk to me. Oh, how sweet of her ...

Dr. C said she had been thinking about me a lot; thinking about my case, how much she's learned and the things she should have done differently. I immediately jumped down her throat. The right thing to do? Probably not. I kinda laughed at her ... that she said she learned so much from our case. SERIOUSLY?! She did NOTHING! She asked me to meet with her, one on one. She wanted to have an informal meeting where I could tell her exactly how I felt; I told her I couldn't promise not to yell and scream and she said that was perfectly fine and totally understandable. The word "lawsuit" got brought up ... I told her if we were any different we would be suing her for every cent she has but we're just not like that. Money won't bring our baby girl back. I DON'T care about her money. I just can't stomach the thought of her touching another baby or pregnant woman. God has to work on my heart. She said she would have her nurse call me the following Monday to schedule a day for us to meet. Well, do you think she called? NO, SHE DIDN'T!!!!!!!!! I was SICK about it. She just wanted to make sure we weren't going to sue her (cause she knows we have complete grounds) and then blew us off.

So, now I'm back to Dr. V. I shouldn't have ... but I did. He asked how I was doing. I got upset, really upset. I told him about Dr. C. What she did to us in the hospital, how she called and then never called back, etc. I told him how disgusted I was with her and how I was just going to sit down and write her a letter. I told him I couldn't do it now because it was going to be the most hateful/hurtful thing I have ever written in my life. He said, "WRITE IT!" "Write it now ... if you don't feel comfortable sending it, keep it on your desk for a week. Re-write it from the original. Keep doing that until you feel it's right and then send it. She needs to know how you feel." We spoke for 20 minutes. He is such a genuine man. One of those men that walks in the room and brings immediate peace. Someone you know you can trust with not just your life, but also your children's. He goes above and beyond for his patients and I have never been more impressed with a doctor. His last words to me with our conversation were, "I really hope to see you and James again, my dear. Please tell James I said Hello."

Well, another huge shock was when I got a call yesterday from the hospital where I delivered Reagan. It was the head of L&D calling me. Apparently Dr. V went to her and made sure there WOULD be a meeting with Dr. C and us with hospital leadership there. I wasn't sure about this "meeting" ... I could go the rest of my life without seeing her face and it would still be too soon. I know so many people say that but I completely mean it. I have been praying and praying for God to help me forgive this woman ... to give me guidance, wisdom, forgiveness ... and then this opportunity pops up. Is it going to be hard? I can only imagine. We will be back at the hospital I spent nearly 40 days in, where Reagan was born, where Reagan passed away ... but I know that, with God's grace, we'll be okay. Two of my precious nurses are going to be in the meeting with us for support and I can't thank them enough for that.

Our meeting is the 22nd at 5:15. Please pray for our hearts leading up to this meeting and please pray for us during this meeting. I need to get how I feel out. I can't live like this forever but I also have to show her love. How do I show her love when I absolutely can't stand the woman?!?! This is my struggle and would truly cherish your prayers!!


  1. Not suing her for all she has is about enough love as I think I could show that woman. I think she knows that too. I am very thankful that there is another Dr. who cares for you like he should. God Bless him and his family. Make sure you write him a letter as well :)

  2. I will be praying for you and your husband that God directs your every word at this meeting. I pray for God's peace to be present when you enter that hospital again. The hospital that provided you with a short time to spend with Reagan, and yet also brought you a lot of pain and sorrow, and now extreme anger. May His sweet Presence be upon you and your entire famiily during these most difficult of days.