Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Promise

Okay, so .. I'm not even sure that anyone is reading this blog anymore ... BUT, if you are, First: THANK YOU! It's SO nice to know that people care enough to read my thoughts, even when it turns into total non-sense; Second: this is my promise to you ... I promise to write at least one post a week from now on. I know it doesn't seem like much, and I PLAN on writing much more than that, but it's what I can guarantee to you right now.

You see, I try planning my days out lately; I have the best of intentions to get a zillion things crossed off my "to do" list. Well, as you have probably already guessed, I get maybe one or, if I'm doing "good", two or three. By the end of the day I feel completely overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, and as though I'm letting people down. Then I remind myself ,"Lauren, there very well may not be anyone reading that blog anymore." But then I hear my sweet therapist in my head (yes, I'm not one to keep secrets or act like I have it all together cause we all know that's far from the truth these days. I'm not embarrassed to say it ... yes, I am going and seeing a therapist ... someone who doesn't know me from Adam, who knows nothing about my life, and who can just listen to me babble and bawl .. and, half the time, it's the UGLY cry, y'all. You know the one I'm talking about. I'm sure she gets so stinkin' excited when she sees Crazy Straub on her appointment book for the day!) telling me what a great thing a blog is for me right now. A way to get my feelings out; a place to express my pain, gut-wrenching anger, hurts, frustrations, and confusion; along with joy, love, forgiveness, understanding ...

So, I would absolutely love for you to stick around. Hear Reagan's story. In the next week I WILL tell about her birth. That's where the horrid anger comes in. The anger that I am in such desperate need of prayers for. I have never felt this amount of dislike, disgust ... I can't talk about it right now or anger will come in and I will say things that shouldn't be said. Things that aren't of God and things that I REFUSE to let Satan put in my head. But, yes ... I will tell Reagan's birth story this week. Please come back and read. It's going to be hard to write ... and I would love the support knowing y'all are reading.

12 comments:

  1. Lauren,
    We've never met. My daughter (Rebecca) is a friend of your friend (Emily). Your story caught my attention because of a common bond. We were stationed at Beale AFB 29 years ago, and Rebecca was born there.
    I have read your story, I check your blog every day, and I pray for you every day. And I will continue to do so! I don't pretend to understand how you feel, or know why God chose for you to go through this. But I do know that we serve a God who loves us and cares for us more than we will ever be able to imagine or understand. And if you let Him...He will see you thru this and you will be better because of it.
    Loving you today,
    Tracy Godwin

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  2. Do this at your own pace. There are those of us who do check back often to see how you're doing, even if we don't comment, but this blog is for you. And for Reagan Grace.
    Sending love, prayers, and support to you every day from Minnesota!

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  3. I'm reading. Because of your story, I am determined to savor every moment of my pregnancy and not wish it away. I don't want a single complaint to pass my lips, because any aches and pains I'm having are nothing compared to what it could be. Thank you for telling your story, you are encouraging me to be a better mother.

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  4. I am an expectant mother, who stumbled upon your blog...and I am here to stay! I have gone back and read every post you have made...you have opened my eyes to make me enjoy this pregnancy. After 3 yrs of "trying" for baby #2, we are very excited to meet the new baby...your blog has made me think about the joys of actually being pregnant and not rushing through just to have the baby to hold in the end. Thank you, and know that we are all here for you!

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  5. Lauren- Just wanted you to know that I am reading, and praying for y'all. You don't know me, but I went to Faulkner, and we have several mutual friends. Thank you for sharing your/Reagan's story.

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  6. Thank you for your honesty Lauren. Thank you for not sugar coating what you are feeling. I truely believe that God will use this to help heal your heart. And your already miles ahead becuase you arent in denial and your being honest. I know the emotions are raw and dont worry about us who keep up with this. This isnt about us its about you, Reagan, and your family. Do at your pace and when its too much just walk away. Love you Lauren, your strength is unbelievable and in the big scheme of things what does it matter if you get one or three or zero things done on your to do list. What matters is your heart and finding healing for that. Your not crazy Lauren, you may feel crazy because it may feel like your on an emotional rollercoaster but your not crazy. Trust me out of all her clients I'm sure you are the "least crazy"

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  7. I'm reading! I had a preemie who is now 3 months old... I've been reading every preemie blog I can get my hands on. My heart breaks for you. I check your blog every day too.

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  8. I am reading your blog, but don't feel pressure from your readers to rush through anything! Your readers will check back and read when you post something. This blog is for you. I am praying for you and thinking about you. Be encouraged and know that you are inspiring many mothers! God bless you!

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  9. I'm reading too my sweet sister/friend :) I love you!!!

    Btw, before I forget, (random), the names of the colors are "Sweet marmalade", "Spice Sachet", and "Mocha"... I found them on www.merlenorman.com/Makeup/Lip%20Colors/34/Lip%20Pencil%20Plus ... not sure if you can order them from there or not, but I bet you could google how! If not, let me know, and I'll mail them to you! haha... I LOVE YOU!!!! You're amazing, and I'm SOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU FOR DOING THIS BLOG!!!!!!!! -big hug-

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  10. I read :) I check in every once in a while, so don't feel pressured. Hope that the days become easier and the memories bring more smiles than tears. We love you and think about you everyday!

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  11. By wrtiting your blog, you and Reagan are blessing to so many people. So just write when you are 'prompted'. We'll be reading. God is using you in a mighty way.

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