Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It made HER "feel better"

Okay, I'm going to vent here for a minute. Peyton had his first allergist appointment today and we had just gotten into the room with the nurse. After asking all the normal questions, doing his weight, and normal "chit chat" the nurse asked, "Are they your only two?" I didn't think twice about the question and immediately answered yes ... to no sooner correct myself by saying, "Oh my goodness ...sorry, no ... we have a little girl, too, who is in Heaven."  Cameron then proceeded to tell the nurse that his baby sisters name is Reagan and she went to Heaven to be our angel. The woman didn't skip a beat, y'all. No sooner did Cam stop talking when she said, "Well, that's okay. It makes me feel better that you put it that way." Put it WHAT way?! I wanted to say, "Lady, I don't care HOW YOU FEEL! I just lost my daughter!!!!" She just kept saying over and over ,"Well that's okay. Saying she's in Heaven makes me feel better about it." I seriously could have back handed the woman and not felt a single bit of guilt for it. Now, if that makes me a bad person ... so be it. I'm not going to go through my life acting as though I only have two kids because it makes someone uncomfortable. I have 4 children ... 3 of which have physically been on this earth. 3 of which have names, have been held in my arms, who have my heart and who will ALWAYS be acknowledged. James and I have decided that we will always talk about Reagan, we will always have pictures of her in our house, the boys will know all about their sister and how amazing she is ... and, just because she isn't here on earth doesn't mean she isn't our daughter and doesn't deserve to be acknowledged.

Okay, thank you for listening to me gripe. This lady really struck a nerve in me today and I needed to get it out before we go back next week for P's allergy testing. So, please pray for my heart towards this woman. I'm sure she meant no harm ... but she really offended me. Call me hormonal or call me a Momma who misses her baby and would do anything to have her back, if only for a minute ...


  1. I don't think she meant it that way sweetie... I can completely understand how protective you are over Reagan, and you always will be :) ... The way I took it was that it made her happy that your family is the kind that believes that their children who are no longer on the earth are in Heaven... Some people would not think that way... I am sure it made her feel better that you are the kind of family who loves Reagan even though she's not with you any more... and who recognize her as a child who was here... I'm sure she sees a lot of families who would not show that kind of love or place as much importance on their children who are sitting in the room, let alone one who is not able to be with you any more... Trust me, in the health care profession, we see A LOT of people who are selfish, unloving, and could give a flip about anyone but themselves... It would have made ME feel better too to see a woman who not only loved her children who are with her, but also loved her baby who she lost... enough that her 3 year old talked about her in Heaven! That's amazing!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!!!

    (Not trying to just play devil's-advocate... just want to put into perspective that people might not know how to say it, but they admire you!)

  2. My chant (after taking a deep breath) for the last year since our infant grandson died has been, "They don't know any better. I know I said stupid things when I didn't know any better." I repeat that to myself until my blood pressure drops and my fists uncurl. And then, depending on the day, I try to remember to pray for them.
    Praying for you!