Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Well, Baby Girl ... I did it. I made it through my first holiday without you here. Crazy how the first holiday after your big brother, Peyton, was born was also Mother's day. Goodness ... how emotions with the same holiday are so different in just a year.

Your Daddy gave me a big hug this morning and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I just fell in his arms and cried. How I wish it was different; I wish I was holding you in the crook of my arm, nursing you, snuggling your precious little body. I cried because I know God has allowed for it to be this way. Not to hurt us, but because His ways are greater than ours. He has a plan and a purpose for all of this pain ... I don't understand it right now ... I pray I eventually will.

I'm sure you already know and, I'm not proud about this but... Mommy has had many screaming matches with God lately. I want to know "WHY???" Why did He have to take you?? He has so many angels, why did he need the little girl who fought so hard to be here ... who was wanted SO badly by her mommy and daddy?? Half the time I feel like He just lets me scream. He just takes it. He loves me and he understands my pain. He hurts with me. He reminds me you were a GIFT. My heavens, what a gift you were!!!! My initial response was, "Okay, so you gave us this amazing gift and then took her back?!" but that's far from the case, baby girl. You're with me everywhere I go. YOU, Reagan Grace, have changed my outlook on life. YOU have made me a better mommy. YOU have made me a better wife. YOU have made me grateful for the things I always took for granted. Through YOU, God has shown me that, even though God may not answer our prayers the way we're asking, doesn't mean He's not working. Thousands fervently prayed for your earthly healing for months. It was our human desire for you to be here ... but, it wasn't what God had in store for your precious life. Although you weren't healed on this earth, you are now PERFECT in every way! You are free of all pain, you no longer have to worry about lungs or kidneys functioning ... you're healed!   YOU ARE, and FOREVER WILL BE, MY BABY GIRL!

Mommy loves you, Reagan ...

1 comment:

  1. tears are falling down my face...still praying for ya'll. reagan is sooo beautiful.