Thursday, April 22, 2010

Another day has passed ...

6 days ... 6 days have passed since our angel came into this world and left it, leaving us forever changed. Most women count down their pregnancy ... complain about how uncomfortable, swollen, out of breath, how much pressure there is, and, overall, just how miserable being pregnant is. I HAVE been one of those pregnant women. With both the boys, sadly, they couldn't come out soon enough. Reagan was different. I cherished every second she stayed in. Every kick, punch, or hiccup I felt were so precious to me. She moved ... A LOT ... which is very rare for ruptured babies. Babies with no fluid normally stay in one position because it is too difficult for them to move. Not our Reagan, she had some dance parties in my belly! They hurt, at times to where I would have tears streaming down my cheeks, but I didn't want her to stop. Even though I was in so much pain, she was doing something doctors said she would never do. It was amazing feeling her do things doctors told us were impossible for her. They would even comment during ultrasounds or monitoring how incredible it was that she was such a wiggle worm. I had nurses tell me that they would never know by the monitor readings we were ruptured ... her heartbeat was always so strong and she was always so active. God showed me so much through this pregnancy that NOTHING is impossible through HIM. Our little girl ... she may have only lived on this earth for four hours ... but she has taught me a lifetime of lessons. I'm trying to wrap my head around that but I just can't. I miss her ... I miss her more than I knew was humanly possible. Her skin was the softest skin I have ever felt. I love how she wrapped her fingers around my pointer finger and held on so tight. She was perfect ... and I'm so thankful God gave us the gift of Reagan. I will never be the same ... and that's a good thing.


  1. I am so, so sorry friend. My heart grieves for you and your loss. Keep writing and allowing the Lord to teach you through the tears and the pain and the memories of joy. Love to you. Beth

  2. beautiful, thank you for sharing.